"Pourquoi tu gâches ta vie?"

Playing: You Don't Have to Say You Love Me-Dusty Springfield

Reading: "Vogue Stories, Part Four: Iman, Alexander Wang, and Others Recall Their Experiences with Vogue" as told to Rebecca Bengal

Just a little update about everything going on in my mind right now. I'm trying to convince myself that I could be happy in Los Angeles. I've always loved Los Angeles, but for so long now, I've had it stuck in my head that I need to move to New York or London in order for me to be happy, but now I feel so lost and I don't know what I really want anymore. I've never felt cool enough for Los Angeles, but then again I feel like I would be so lost in New York if I didn't have any friends there to help me adjust. I just need to stop thinking so much and go outside of my comfort level, so that I can go to New York. Hear that Alexander Wang? I'm coming.

On to happier topics now. I went to go see Antigone and my friend, John Paul, was working one of the food stands, so I took a photo with him, but my camera struggles with taking clear photos in the dark, so now you get to see John Paul and me looking blurry as if we're "regenerating" according to Sabrina, who played Antigone. So many of my friends starred in Antigone, so I knew I had to go watch them perform. Plus I read the play last year in English class.

Over the weekend, I went to Mitsuwa to pick up some of my favorite snacks/drinks in the world. Tina got me hooked on these chips and now the Trader Joe's version isn't good enough for me anymore. These are so fluffy and cute with their little heart shaped waffle design. The peach water is seriously my favorite drink and I can drink it just about anytime ever. While I was in Japan, I drank two of these everyday, when I wasn't drinking melon soda or various other cutesy drinks.

Oh and here's an outfit I wore sometime to do some errands. I'm wearing a Zara collared blouse, a now winter staple Hawkings McGill sweater, Mango jeans, Madewell boots, and a Burberry Prorsum purse. By now, you've probably figured out I love wearing colored jeans and wearing Burberry. I'm seriously tempted to do a Burberry challenge like I have to incorporate something Burberry into every outfit of mine. Also, I should take some outfit photos in some other places for once.

The title is from "Elle Me Dit" by Mika. I chose that because it translates to "Why are you wasting your life?" and all these hardcore fobs ask me that all the time, since I like having fun and I'm a rebel by Asian standards. They always criticize me for drawing during class, dancing with my friends sporadically, not learning Chinese/Japanese/Korean, listening to "trashy music" (by their standards, anything that isn't classical music or K-pop),  admiring people like Tim Burton/Holden Caulfield/Ferris Bueller/Anna Wintour, screaming a lot, etc. and I'm getting tired of it, so dear fobs, do keep in mind I'm not one of you. The standards for my life are that of your typical American teenager, not one that lives in whatever country you're accustomed to. End rant.

Edit-I'm not mad at all fobs nor do I think fobs are bad people. I'm just mad at them for always trying to interfere in my life and for making me feel like I'm wasting my life.

The Finale

Playing: Keep Rising-Jack's Mannequin
Reading: World Design: The Best in Classic and Contemporary Furniture, Fashion, Graphics, and More by Uta Abendroth, Karin Beate Phillips, Christian Pixis, Volkard Steinbach, and Bernd Polster

November 12, 2012 marked the very last concert for my favorite band, Jack's Mannequin, at the El Rey Theatre. It's hard to explain how I feel about Andrew McMahon, the lead singer, and his music without sounding fanatical or insane. To get these tickets, I actually woke up really early one morning and sat at the computer, refreshing the page every two seconds. For the first ten attempts at buying tickets, ticketmaster told me there were no tickets left, so I began to panic, but I finally got them. This was my fifth time seeing Andrew McMahon and while I was standing in line, I got a chance to talk to some other super fans like the guy that flew in from Texas and the two friends that drove for eight hours from Arizona.

The show opened with Matt Thiessen of Reliant K, singing old favorites and some new material. Bobby "Raw" Anderson, the lead guitarist of Jack's Mannequin, joined him for a song. I had no idea he'd be there, so when he walked on stage, I kind of screamed a lot at him and now I can't get "Sadie Hawkins" out of my head. During the encore, he got on stage and I got a chance to briefly talk to him, which was pretty exciting and he seems pretty nice from our miniscule conversation and from when he talked to the audience.

Since the concert was general admission and I'm a tiny person, I was able to squeeze right on through the crowd, so that I was only five feet away from the stage. With the help of a new camera, I was able to get some really clear close up shots. Andrew was his usual charming, funny self and he did his fun, spastic dance moves, so needless to say I enjoyed it tremendously so.

Since I was so close to Bobby "Raw" Anderson, I got the chance to take some amazing photos of him. At all of the past concerts, I focused mostly on Andrew and I got to see how great Bobby is at performing. He's amazing and I kind of regret not paying more attention to him earlier on. Andrew wrote "No Man is an Island" for Bobby's wedding song, so I guess the two of us will have the same wedding song.

Dr. J also returned after leaving the band for awhile. It was nice to see him again. I apologize for my recap being so poor this time, but I feel like I've written about Andrew so much that to write out how much I love him and his music again would just be repetitive. At the end of the concert, Andrew was joined by all of his friends and it was a beautiful moment, as the confetti fell. It was definitely a weird feeling for me. After seeing him so many times and listening to his music for around eight years now, I find it hard to believe it's all over. I've actually found myself getting really depressed during class, if I think about it too much. However, this isn't the end. I would like to believe that Andrew isn't ending his music career completely and that he's just moving on. After all, I still haven't met him and that's definitely one of my life goals. Here's the set list:

• Holiday From Real
• Crashing
• Release Me
• Annie, Use Your Telescope
• Spinning
• My Racing Thoughts (It's about getting in a fight with someone who knows you too well.)
• Casting Lines
• The Resolution
• Bloodshot
• Amy I
• Swim
• Restless Dream
• The Mixed Tape
• Last Straw
• I'm Ready
• Bruised
• Hammers and Strings
• Dark Blue
• Caves ("This song is hard to play. I mean it's emotionally hard, but it's actually hard to play.")
• MFEO Part 1: Made for Each Other
• MFEO Part 2: You Can Breathe
• La La Lie

I just want Andrew to know that his music has really inspired me and has helped me through many a tough time. He's just amazing and I want him to know that he makes me happy and that this isn't a good bye; it's a see you soon. I would also like to thank him for all the amazing memories and for putting so much into my life. See you soon, Andrew, and I wish you luck with your next adventure!

Also, happy Thanksgiving to all of my America readers!

Disney Magic

Playing: Locked Doors-Jack's Mannequin
Reading: Turning 30 and Making a Difference in a Music Business, Post Apocalypse by Andrew McMahon

Left to Right: Katrina, Tina, me, and Vivian

Ok, so for my birthday, I always celebrate multiple times with different groups of people and the latest round of celebrations was an over the top day at Disneyland with my amazing friends, Katrina, Tina, and Vivian. We took a lot of group photos, but this one is my favorite because we all look so sassy with Cruella De Vil. This happened to be Vivian's first time at Disneyland too, so Katrina and I had a fun time showing her around, since Disneyland is like a second home to us.

The main reason why I wanted to go to Disneyland other than to see the amazing Christmas decorations was to go to Club 33, which is an ultra exclusive club hidden in Disneyland. My dad's friend is a member, so I've been lucky enough to go a handful of times in my life. The buffet part is so amazing because they have lobster tails, crab claws, shrimp, lox, etc. However, my friends and I agree that the scallop chowder was the best. Collectively we drank twenty cups of it and emptied half of the container.

For my main entree, I ordered the King Crab Stuffed Lobster Tail with Lemon Verbana Fettucine, Crisp Coppa Ham, Shaved Saffron Fennel, and Fortified Oxtail Broth. The broth gave the lobster a wonderful meaty quality, while the fettucine was perfectly cooked. It had the slightest taste of lemon, which was really refreshing after the heavy lobster. The smokiness of the coppa ham was a nice way to start off the dish too. If you want to talk about being impressive, each one of us had seven or eight rounds of food at Club 33.

My favorite part of going to Disneyland for the holidays is The Nightmare Before Christmas themed Haunted Mansion. I'm super obsessed with everything and anything Tim Burton, so I always get excited to check out what's changed every year. I'm pretty sure the scarecrow is new? I could've sworn it used to be Jack Skellington himself.

I even got a picture with Sparky from Frankenweenie that day. I'm surprised at how incredibly pale I am. It's like I never get to see the sun, even though I live in Southern California. Did I tell you about how I tried to dress my dog up as Sparky and how my dog just refused to keep the costume on? I should just learn my lesson that my dog hates getting dressed up and will never enjoy it.

Another ride that's always beautiful for Christmas time is It's a Small World. The lights are always so simple yet well done. It makes me want to decorate my house in super bright colors this year and go way over the top (like I do every year). If you come to Disneyland during the holidays, you must go inside to look at all the decorations. The attention to detail is phenomenal. It makes me want to become an Imagineer! Also, it rained that day, so the damp streets reflected all the lights, making everything even more beautiful.

We actually spent a lot of time in Fantasyland, riding all the little kid rides. I love how beautiful and antiquated the carousel looks. When I was little, I would choose which horse I wanted and my dad would run with me to guarantee that I got the exact horse I wanted. Then I would make him go on the carousel with me time and time again until he got motion sick. This time, my friends and I only went on once. We ended the night, watching fireworks and waiting to watch Fantasmic, which had technical errors, so then we went on one more ride. If you're ever in the area and have some spare cash, you must go to Disneyland for Christmas time, since it's definitely a place for people on quest for beauty like me!

In the Middle of the Desert

Playing: Out of It-Jack's Mannequin
Reading: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

For my birthday, as I mentioned previously, I went out to the desert to explore and be free with my friend, Sophie. From where we live, it took us over three hours to get to Noah Purifoy's Outdoor Desert Museum, which we found out about from a book called Weird California or something like that. I'm quite surprised that the GPS was able to find it, since we had to go along dirt roads to get to it and my GPS has a hard time finding places even in urban areas.

My parents took one look at it and asked why I had taken them to a junk yard, so they hid out in the car. Not to mention, it was below fifty degrees, so they weren't up for freezing to death with Sophie and me. One of  my favorite pieces from the museum was this TV clump that you see as soon as you drive up to it. It would've been great, if all the TVs had different clips going on, but then again, there's no source for electricity there.

There were some shacks there that reminded me of Lost and/or camping conditions that were just a tad more luxurious than that of Chris McCandless' camp out (Into the Wild allusion? Got it? Just checking). The run down shack was a bit creepy and Sophie agreed with me that this place would be rather scary at night. Translation? We get scared way too easily.

Personally, I don't think this museum was meant to be an art museum. I feel that it's a place for exploration and was meant to be a surrealist playground, where you can be free and run around without having anyone judge you. This was one of my favorite scenes there. It looked like a post-apocalyptic town with nods to alien architecture. This is going to sound beyond ridiculous, but we kept on waiting for something creepy to happen. Something about the vibe and loneliness of the area really made Sophie and I wonder.

Luckily, I had my dad there to protect us, since he's probably the manliest guy in my life. Plus, he doesn't mind photographing Sophie and me, while we danced around the area. Oh, here's something freaky: Sophie and I could've sworn we heard a chainsaw going off, so we freaked out and ran off to the other side of the museum. Then we brought my dad to the area where we heard it and no one was there. It was also odd how we saw two other cars there, but we never ran into the other tourists.

And one last photo for today. Sophie and I were sitting in an igloo in the desert in the middle of nowhere. Fascinating. Overall, Sophie and I agree that this is one of the best things we've done together and that we definitely have to visit more surreal places. Other than the occasional chill we got from being creeped out, I highly recommend visiting this place. It's unlike anything I've seen and the landscape is perfect for photos. And if you're on a quest for beauty like I am, this is a good place to start.

The Desert

Playing: Meet Me in California-Plain White T's
Reading: "It's OK Not to Play" by Krista

For my birthday yesterday, I seriously thought I was going to stay cooped up in my house, working on all my homework given to me by my lovely teachers, but I decided last minute to go on an adventure in the desert. Luckily, Sophie was able to join me. On our way there, we stopped off at a KFC in Banning to have all you can eat friend chicken like the health nuts we are. Aren't we the most awkward friends, when it comes to taking photos?

Somewhere in between Banning and Yucca Valley, we drove past a wind farm, which is one of my favorite things about the desert. I find them to be very beautiful and I enjoy looking at them quite a bit. The weather was a bit odd, since it was super sunny one minute and stormy the next, but it allowed me to take some pretty awesome photos.

When we got into Yucca Valley, Sophie and I goofed around and took tons of photos. I love hanging out with Sophie because we never do something that people would think teenagers would consider fun. We're on a hunt to enjoy everything the world has to offer us and we're on a quest for beauty. When the sky is immense and the scenery is beautiful, what else can we do other than pretend we're Brandon Flowers? For some reason, I really like the idea of doing the Brandon Flower pose all the time.

Actually, the main reason why I took Sophie out to the desert was to visit Noah Purifoy's Outdoor Desert Museum, but I'm having trouble limiting how many photos I want to share with you, so we explored the museum before we explored Yucca Valley. We went to a lot of antique stores, vintage stores, and charity shops in the search for something beautiful, but we didn't end up buying anything. There was a group of photos from the 1940s and 1950s that I wanted to buy, but they were averaging $3 each, so I skipped on them.

Before we headed home, Sophie and I photographed a lovely sunset since sunsets are always prettier in the desert. We found a zine that introduced the surrounding area, so Sophie and I are thinking of making an exploration zine for our school. Not sure how my peers will react to that, but it's not for them; it's for my personal happiness and enjoyment in life. I'll show you the museum we went to later on. Please stay tuned for that! Tomorrow I'm building a catapult with Justin and Hoho before I head off to the last Jack's Mannequin concert at the El Rey Theatre. It'll be my fifth time seeing Andrew McMahon and my second time seeing him for my birthday. It'll be bittersweet, watching him perform as Jack's Mannequin for the last time.

"How Do You Spell Gabbana?"

Playing: Time to Pretend-MGMT
Reading: 100 Years of Fashion Illustration by Cally Blackman

I'm not going to lie; I've been feeling rather happy lately, which is odd for me, since I'm rarely happy when school is in session. I feel great for a multitude of reasons such as writing three stories for the school newspaper, doing multiple drawings for the school newspaper, making time to read art books, meeting some new people, finding someone that has near identical music taste to me, and getting a little gift from my mum. Lately, my mum has been finding it difficult to use her bigger bags, so she's been giving me full ownership over them, not just borrowing rights.

My mum just gave me her 20th anniversary Dolce and Gabbana purse that I never knew she even owned. She figured she hadn't used it in years, so why not give it to me. Plus, she knows how much I adore lace and Dolce and Gabbana, so this purse is literally the perfect combo. Not to mention, the little coin purse attached to the side is just so adorable.

The purse is lined with cheetah print silk and is in amazing condition. My mum doesn't take very good care of all her designer goods, so it really shocked me, when I saw how little damage was done to the bag. It's just such a gorgeous bag and I'm looking forward to using it around town. Plus, it's about time I expanded outside of just using my Burberry purses and cross body bags. I must seem so materialistic, but let me pretend I'm Madonna for a few seconds.

Over the weekend, I wore this outfit to do some errands and go grocery shopping, so I know I'm vastly overdressed, but it made me happy to wear around my top hat and look tall in heels. I'm wearing a San Diego Hat Company top hat, a Vince Camuto blazer, an American Vintage dress, a FullTilt bandeau, Merona tights, Chloe heels, a Coach purse, and Alexander McQueen sunglasses. I know I look super bitchy in this photo, but trust me, I am capable of being friendly and smiling.

But when I do end up smiling, I look derpy as proven by this photo. My legs look rather short in this photo, which is odd because my legs are actually quite a bit longer than my torso. I'm wearing a Marc by Marc Jacobs jacket, a Marc Jacobs necklace, an Ann Taylor LOFT shirt, Mango jeans, and Alexander Wang shoes. These shoes kill my feet and cut up my ankles, but I still wear them because they're lovely. My English teacher told the class that if she could marry a pair of shoes, these would be the pair for her. The boys in my English class think I'm a shoe hoarder now. For that reason, I think I'll have a hard time getting married. That's why I need a boy that likes dressing well (and likes the same music as me and will sit with me and watch Food Network, Comedy Central, and History Channel). Is that really too much to ask for? Yes, yes it is.

Feed the Consumer

Playing: First Date-blink-182
Reading: Jewels of the Tsars: The Romanovs and Imperial Russia by Prince Michael of Greece

I know it looks like all I do is buy clothes and by now, you must think my wardrobe takes up a whole apartment Anna Dello Russo style, but I promise you my wardrobe really isn't as big as it seems. Only my purse and shoe collections are getting out of hand. Anyways, I really need to work on wearing tops that aren't just t-shirts, so here's my attempt at it. I love the Swiss dot pattern of the button up top and the hounds tooth print sweater reminds me of a sweater Gwen Stefani once wore, so I had to get that too. Both of these are from the Gap.

I also bought some tights from the Gap that way I could wear dresses during the winter and possibly bring my shorts into winter territory. The pointelle dot tights are more like sweater tights, while the other ones are quite sheer. I found the blue pin at a vintage shop that claimed to specialize in vintage St. John jewelry and they claimed it was St. John, but there's no mark on it saying it is. For the price I got it at, I really don't mind if it's not St. John.

This pair of shorts from Zara ranks pretty darn high on my list of genius pieces of clothing. From the front, it looks like an asymmetrical skirt and from the back, it looks like a pair of tailored black shorts. I need to take it to a tailor to fix a bad seam, but I'm so excited I got them. They'll be perfect for my trip to Paris! I'm already planning extra chic outfits for my trip! The fingerless gloves were supposed to be for my Boy George costume, but since I didn't use them, I'm thinking of returning them.

And what did I tell you? My shoe collection is getting out of hand. Please welcome, my fifth pair of oxfords from H&M. They were really inexpensive, so I don't mind too much that I bought them, but I really need to get my brown oxfords one day. Every time I go oxford shopping, I tell myself I'm getting a brown pair, but I never end up buying a brown pair. These oxfords have a once inch platform, so it gives me some extra height and from the top, they look completely tame, but from the side, you get a great look at the pastel, neon green soles. They're actually super comfortable and I'm hoping I can wear these during my trip to New York. I'm sorry if all of you are getting bored with my clothing posts. If so, let me know.

This is Halloween

Playing: Just Like Heaven-The Cure
Reading: Fashion Illustrations By Fashion Designers by Laird Borrelli

Hilary as a cat and me as the Cheshire Cat

Halloween, Christmas, and New Years have to be my absolute favorite holidays. For obvious reasons, Halloween ranks pretty high on my list. I love to get dressed up, I love Tim Burton appreciation season, and I love running around at night. This one guy in my English class hates Halloween, so I had to explain to him that Halloween is the start of Tim Burton time and he told me he hates Tim Burton and that Burton is just a psycho, so I'm considering defriending him on Facebook.

Me with Victoria, the communist witch, and Chad dressed as Sheldon

It didn't feel like Halloween for me until I went out trick or treating like the five-year-old that I am, since no one dressed up at school other than me and a few poor boys that I forcibly dressed up as a cat. I started off the night with Hilary, Sarah, and Victoria, but then we met up with Evelyn, Chad, Simonne, and Jen. We ran around an elementary school's field and playground for awhile, but then it started to smell like someone was smoking pot, so we left. After a half hour or so, Victoria, Sarah, Hilary, and I separated from the other group and just walked around, acting like teenagers for once.

We started off by dancing around, acting like idiots, to some music that Sarah had recorded of her school's orchestra. Hilary refused to dance, so Victoria and I had to pull her along as Sarah photographed us like the paparazzi that she is. I like how happy I look in this picture and how embarrassed Hilary looks.

Sarah as Pacman and me

Then Sarah and I ran out into the middle of a deserted street and started dancing and jumping together. The other two were laughing at us as they photographed us. We spent a lot of time jumping and screaming at each other, now that I think about it.

Finally, we ended the night by acting like we were part of some bad film from the 80s, maybe early 90s. Look at how angsty and misunderstood we are. I have to thank Sarah for always being willing to do stupid things with me and for taking artsy photos with me. Oh, and for always telling me random facts that I'll never use and for reading my blog all the time and for going on adventures with me and for...If I keep this list going on, it might take a year or two, so I'll stop now. HOW WAS YOUR HALLOWEEN? What did you do?

PS I was going to go as Boy George, but I ran out of time to do my hair. And thanks Sarah for the last three photos!